All of us, are the products of the thinking around us. When we are largely surrounded by narrow-minded people, it's easy to become convinced that you are incapable of achieving great things and to settle for mediocrity.
If you are experiencing more L's then wins lately, here are 7 reasons why you are having a hard time winning in life, and how to take responsibility of your success before it’s too late:
1. You are overly concerned about being better than other people.
The only person you should be in competition with is yourself. In the words of Fab, “think BIG and Kim, not think BIGGER than them.” There’s a difference between having the mindset that you are the greatest versus a mindset of wanting to be greater than someone else. Shift your focus from wanting to be better than people, to being the best person that you can be. Let’s all be great!
2. You’re afraid of failing.
In your eyes, if you suck at something, it means that YOU suck as a person. Since your self-worth is tied directly into how good or bad you are at something, any failure is proof that you aren’t good enough. Think about it like this, if you never learn, then you’ll never grow. We can only be truly successful at the things we are willing to fail at.
That said, embrace failure and don’t be discouraged by it. The next time you fail at something, shift your perspective and find the silver lining - failure brings humility, helps develop your character and accelerate your growth.
3. You choose entertainment and distraction over learning and taking action.
You know exactly what you need to do, to get started on working towards where you want to be, and instead you waste your time on things that aren’t moving you closer to your goals. Remember, it’s the little actions that you take everyday that lead to success in the long-run. You can't win from the couch, so stop procrastinating already and take yourself more seriously.
4. Deep down, you don’t believe that you have what it takes to be extraordinary.
The one thing that every successful person has in common is that they think like winners and act like winners, before they become winners. They believe in themselves so strongly because they consistently think positive thoughts about their experience and they have faith in their ability to succeed no matter what.
They also invest in their learning and take action on their ideas without fear of failure. They don’t care about failing because failure brings them another step closer to finding a solution that works. It’s all trial and error, which means failure is inevitable and so is success. At the end of the day, an L isn't really a loss, it's a lesson gained.
5. You’re chasing titles, money, and recognition for happiness VS more important goals, like experience and personal transformation.
Money will only serve as a downpayment to your happiness in the short-term, if that's all that is connecting you to your work. Eventually your soul will become stifled, and you'll start to feel like something is missing because you have no intrinsic motivation, you're just doing it for the reward of a paycheck. If your life is beginning to feel like a waking nightmare, you need to reevaluate what happiness and success means to you on a deeper level, rather than just focusing on extrinsic motivators such as money or status.
6. You’re a hater.
You know what they say, jealousy is confused admiration. So take a step back for a moment and identify why you are feeling jealous in the first place. Chances are, you are jealous because that person has something about them that you associate with your ideal self, the person you fantasize about becoming, but you’re not quite there yet.
This is called personal incongruence, a concept developed by Carl Rogers, which suggests that unpleasant feelings can result from a discrepancy between our perceived and ideal self. In other words, when there is a large gap between the perceived self (how you view yourself right now) and ideal self (how you wish you were), it can lead to discomfort, jealousy, anxiety, stress, and frustration. The closer our perceived self-image and ideal-self are to each other, the more consistent or congruent we are, and the higher our sense of self-worth.
7. Stop swerving lanes and stay in your own.
Focus on yourself and stop worrying about what other people are doing, or how successful they are compared to you. It doesn’t matter if they are going faster than you, what matters is that you actually get to where you want to be.
The potential of the individual human is unique,
and we are meant to develop in different ways according to our personality.
- Carl Rogers
Instead of comparing yourself to others, level up and spend the time to work on yourself. Learn all you can, experiment, fail, and discover what works. Soon you will build momentum and marvel in how far you’ve come.
So, how will you make a shift from an ordinary life to an extraordinary one? Are you in a state of congruence, moving towards becoming your best self or are your beliefs incongruent to your behavior, limiting your success?
Check out this Youtube video from Principle Based Living about how your beliefs affect your follow through, how to better define your values, and understand what motivates you to succeed.